Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Shades of cancer

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My hair is changing -- again. It started out perfectly straight, blond, and shoulder length. Then it came tumbling out, thanks to the chemotherapy drugs adriamycin and cytoxan. Four months later, it was back -- curly, dark, and way too short for my liking.

Over the past two years, I've grown to enjoy my hair. The longer it gets, the less curl it keeps. I like it this way. The color has grown on me too. When I look back at photos of my lighter locks, I think dark suits me better. Why do I get the feeling, though, that my hair won't be dark for long?

I still think of my hair as dark, I guess because it was once so very blond and it is so very not blond at the moment -- in my opinion anyway.

The other day, while eating lunch at a restaurant with my little boys and a friend and her little boys, another mom friend noticed me and said, "Hey, that's Jacki Donaldson and her hair is blond again!" I turned to find my friend eating lunch in the booth directly behind me. She was admiring my blond hair.

"Blond?" I asked. Yes, my friend told me. She thought my hair was blond. I left lunch that day thinking either she was crazy or I was. I just couldn't see it. Blond? No way.

Since this hair-raising encounter, several others have commented on my light hair. Each time, I come home and study myself in the mirror. I just don't see the blond -- yet. I do recognize some natural highlights in my hair that are definitely a few shades lighter than they once were. When pulled in a ponytail and all clustered together, I guess I can see a few traces of blond. And I suppose over time, my hair might get lighter and lighter. Maybe one day, I'll look like my old self again.

No doubt, there are different shades of cancer. I've experienced many of them. Now, I think I'm headed for a new one.
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